Patience

I should cultivate some patience,
I should learn to wait things out.
I should learn to give you time,
I should learn to be quiet,
I should learn to sit still,
At least once in a while,
Let you speak your piece first,
Before i start to assume your mind.

Of course i am mad,
But that doesn't give me the right, to walk out of your life,
Without letting you prove your side of the story.

I mad as hell,your're right!
And i want you out of my sight,
But i have got to let you,
For the first time,tell your side.

If i will ever be patient,
If i will ever learn to sit still,
This must probably be the time!!

Mother

I am consumed by this feeling,
It causes me pain i can't describe,
I pray that it stays with me no more.

It haunts my every moment,
Its there with me when in the middle of the day,
i find myself staring at her picture on the wall,
Just to remind myself of her face,
When my brain can longer form it own its own.

I find myself wondering if she can see me,
If she can see how i feel.

We never made peace and thats my fault,
Because i never imagined this would ever happen,
At least not this soon!
We had so much left to do...

I wanted you here when i brought him home.
The man that would take care of me,
Now am sad that you won't be here to give him a hard time-
Making him learn our native tribe.

I miss you! And our fights,
I haven't fought with anyone since you left.
I feel like am the only one thats not getting over this.
Letting you rest in peace.
But i pray that i will be some day soon.

I will stop seeing you dead in that bed,
I will lose this feeling in my chest,
I will stop crying myself to sleep,
And tearing up without a valid reason.

You can't die twice i know.
And you won't ever come back for us to try this again.
But i sure wish you would try.

In the box

I was vulnerable when you met me,
You said just the right things,
And smiled at me just the right way,
Touched my hand and put a finger to my cheek,
Kissed my forehead and just the corner of my lips.

As my life got worse,
You knew just what to do.
The walks in the dark after the city went all hush.
And we basked in the city lights and the stars when the moon refused to come out.
And the times you would drop by at lunch.
And we would sit in your car,
Talking and laughing.
While you touched my hand just the right way
And kissed my forehead and just the corner of my lips.

Now all of that is gone
I barely even get a phone call at lunch
Or a ride with you to work in the morning

Am inside what they call the box.
You're no longer sweet with me
You do only the things that have to be
And none of the ones that got me here

Tribute to mom

My sister woke up to wash my mom's clothes,
The last ones she had on before all this,
They are on the lines drying,
I can see them from where am sitting
...pretending to watch tv.
My mind is wondering off to thoughts of her.
The last time i saw her alive,
And then that other time when she was pale.
She still looked normal to me.
Her skin was still warm.
And her hair the same shades of white and black they've been for a while since her hair stopped growing.
The only difference is that now she won't ever open her eyes.
She won't ever open her mouth.
To smirk or smile even if no words come out.
She will never raise a finger at me again.
Crack a joke that catches me off guard.
She will never walk around the house.
Or sleep in her own bed.
She won't be here when i graduate
even though i said i wouldnt anyway.
She will never see her grandkids again.
Spoil them rotten the way she always did.
Like give them a scoop of jam with a spoon.
Or patco sweets when she has some in her bag.
She won't be there to use that nice lotion she bought that the sales girl promised would keep wrinkles at bay.
No more chamas on wednesday and thursday too.

I will just never see my mom again.

Mommy dearest

where would i be if there was no you?
who would i be if i was born to someone other than you?
what would i look like?
what would my name be?
would i still turn out this cute?
Big lips and small eyes,
light skinned and brown eyed,
just like you.

if i can't see you again,
if i can't talk to you face to face,
the best thing i can do,
is get a mirror infront of my face,
and see me when i get to your age.
i love you mommy dearest
and i thank you for making me just like you

happy

I must be happy today,
I can't seem to get my lips together,
They part just so slightly,
Just enough to let you see my teeth,
My almost white teeth...
My lips arch just enough at the tips,
Raising my cheeks abit,
I must be happy because i have been smiling all day.

I must be happy today,
Because i have been thinking well of you all day.
It doesn't matter that you stood me up at eight,
I am just happy i must say.

I am happy today!

I think of you often

it may come as a surprise to you,
but i think of you often,
often enough.

often enough to make a picture in my head,
of how you'd look getting out of bed,
bare feet in your undies,
scratching the back of your head,
stifling a yawn, smiling mid-way,
pleased with yourself for no good reason
i think of you often.

i still remember your scent,
i don't know why it never gets out of my head,
whenever a guy walks by smelling like that,
i often look back just to be sure
you haven't come back to life.

i think of you often...

i remember the feel of your beard at the end of the day,
the way you'd rub your face against mine,
so we would share the annoyance of how fast it grew back..

i think of you often my dear!